What to write: Why “loving the beach” is not enough

our online dating profile consists of two parts: words and pictures. I’ve posted several stories to help you with your pictures. This post is about the words.

Some apps require to respond to specific questions or prompts. They use this format because they believe it is easier to your to respond to specific questions, rather than composing a free-form description of yourself and who you are looking for. Either way, they are general guidelines to follow in all cases.

Provide as much information as possible

Most apps allow you to select from lists of profile information, such as education, employment, religion, hobbies, smoking and drinking preferences, pets, etc. You accomplish three things by providing as much information as possible:

First, the more information you provide about yourself, the more likely someone can find opportunities for compatibility. Second, a thorough profile offers more opportunities for someone to include what appealed to them about your profile in any message they send to you. And third, by investing time in your profile to make it comprehensive, you indicate that you are serious about finding someone vs. the less-motivated people who only provide a minimum of information.

Don’t be negative

No one is looking for a player, drama, someone with baggage, an ex in the background, etc. So there is no point stating that you aren’t interested in someone with these issues because nobody is interested in someone with these issues. Stressing the negative only casts doubts on you, even if you were not the source of the drama.

Focus on your passions

Most of the profiles I’ve read — and I’ve read thousands — are remarkably similar:

“I like the beach, the mountains, wine, travel, binge-watching Netflix, cuddling on the couch, hiking, the outdoors, good food. I love my children, I’m kind and affectionate and I have a quirky and sarcastic sense of humor.”

Most women describe themselves this way. If your profile reads like the excerpt, above, then you are saying “I am like everyone else.” But you are not like everyone else. You are special and unique.

The way to truly describe yourself is to go beyond a cursory “list of likes” and focus on your passions — by describing them with some details.

If you are passionate cooking, then describe how it makes you feel. If you are passionate about travel, pick your favorite destination and describe what makes it special to you. Other people may have similar interests, hobbies, and pursuits. But your passions, and how you describe them, are unique to you.

Tell the truth

Don’t lie about your age or anything else. If your goal is to form a relationship, and if that relationship does develop, at some point your partner will discover the truth. And nothing damages a relationship more than a breech of trust.

There is no need to provide a complete medical profile and a financial statement ;) But you should truthful about everything.