On alignment and misalignment

Most people think dating is about finding “the one.” But even when you’ve found someone who looks perfect on paper — even when your personality and termperament seem to complement each other, you sync up on lifestyle, on values — you can still end up crushed. Why? Misalignment.

But it is better to show, than to tell.

I'm not big on quoting the Bible – as much as I love Samuel L. Jackson’s fake quote from Ezekiel in Pulp Fiction, but I think the quote below this video from Pulp Fiction – a fictional quote from  2 Corinthians 6:14 – makes a lot of sense:

“Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?” — 2 Corinthians 6:14

Like a team of oxen, a couple needs to be equally yoked – pulling in the same vector, same direction with the same strength.

For me, mindful and empathic women are the match that lights up my deep-thinking and decisive wiring. When it works, it feels like magic. But temperament is only one dimension. Alignment has many others:

  • History → Past experiences, baggage, timing. With Tammy, history was the fault line.
  • Pace → How fast or slow someone wants to build connection. With Corinne, our pace was misaligned.
  • Energy → How much we bring to the table, and whether it matches. With Karen, energy was the split.
  • Interests → Shared passions don’t always line up. One person’s sailing is another’s seasickness.
  • Beliefs → Religion, politics, or values can turn into walls, no matter how magnetic the match.

Think of a car’s driveshaft. Even if the engine is perfect, if the shaft is misaligned, the whole vehicle shudders and eventually breaks down. Relationships are the same.

That’s why MagneticMatch™ is a strategy, not a guarantee. Personality and termperament give us the best chance at alignment — but misalignment can still appear in other dimensions. Recognizing those blind spots is what keeps us from mistaking fireworks for forever.

When you feel that sting — the “store-brand vanilla date, the door that closes before you knock, when dating feels like a StairMaster — remind yourself: it isn’t failure. It’s misalignment. And misalignment is information. It shows you what matters most, and where to keep looking.