“Happily Ever After” — and how to get there

Online dating can lead you to Happily Every After in three steps. I call them:

Meet
Date
Mate

Meet—it’s just an introduction

A common complaint I hear is “It’s so hard to meet people.” While it is a challenge, online dating has made it easier than ever to make an introduction. All you need to do is upload some photos, then describe yourself and who you are looking for.

But if it were that simple, there would be no complaints. The fact is, few people are diligent about creating and managing their online profiles. As a result, they are disappointed with the response.

Here’s a brief punch list of things to do. And yes, there are things you need to do. Online dating can work like magic if you provide a bit of elbow grease, like this:

Use more than one app.
Check your apps every day.
Write a detail description of yourself and the person you are looking for.
Post at least six current photos, no high school photos or photos that are clearly dated.
Respond to every message within 12 hours, if you are interested in the person who contacted you.

Managing your online dating is the essential first step. After this, you leave the world of online dating and enter the real world.

This is why I say that online dating can lead you to happily ever after. But it only provides the initial introduction. The next two steps are up to you and your partner.

Date — meeting in real life

This is when you meet someone in the real world, and at this point you are on your own. It is up to you and your date to manage your dating experience.

But let’s focus on the first date, which is often another source of dissatisfaction with online dating. Even though you sensed some compatibility with the person you met from their online profile, texts, emails and phone calls, you may not feel the spark, chemistry or attraction you were hoping for. And this leads to disappointment with online dating.

At this point, it would be helpful to adjust your expectations to the reality of online dating. You can learn a lot about someone from the profile, txts, etc., but there is nothing like spending an hour with someone in the flesh. It’s the only way to see how they react to you and you react to them.

In contrast, before online dating, you probably would have seen the person in the flesh before even discussing the possibility of meeting for a date. And you probably saw they in a setting that provided some context for who they are. For instance, you might have seen them at work, at school, at church, at a loca farmer’s market or grocery store, at a festival or a concert. If you saw them in any of those places, you already knew something about them from the context of their location. And you saw them in the flesh without depending upon photos that might not be clear or current.

So online dating provides the opportunity to meet more people, but initially, you don’t get to see them in flesh until you make the commitment to meet in person. It’s just the nature of online dating and adjusting your expectations to this reality is something to accept.

Granted, you could be spared this disappointment if you could see each other in person in a neutral setting before agreeing to meet for a date, but that isn’t the nature of online dating.

Mate — form a long-term relationship

While some people are merely looking for hookups and one-night stands, most people use online dating as a path to a long-term relationship. But it’s important to remember that online dating is merely a means to an introduction. Forming and maintaining a long-term relationship depends upon the compatibility of the partners and the work they put into their relationship.

I’ve formed several, multi-year, long-term relationship via online dating. While these relationships did not last forever, I consider these successes in that I would not have found these partners without online dating.

So I believe online dating works as a means of meeting people and forming long-term relationships. And I believe online dating is the best way to get to “happily ever after” because it is the best path to Meet, Date and Mate.